The world is full of bad ideas and beer is no exception. From to crazy flavor combinations that just don’t work to questionable drinking devices, there are plenty of beers and beer-related items that just shouldn’t be. Here are 5 really stupid beer bottle openers that shouldn’t be a thing.
Vehicle Mounted Bottle Opener
Not wearing your seatbelt is stupid. Drinking and driving is even worse. Create a product that encourages both and you’ve got the Vehicle Mounted Bottle Opener.
This bottle opener plugs into your seat belt buckle so you can pop bottles while in the car and also shut off that annoying seatbelt reminder chime that indicates you aren’t buckled in. The fact that this dumb device even has an acronym, VMBO, makes it even sadder.
While we don’t recommend drinking while driving and certainly don’t condone driving without a seatbelt, you can grab your own VMBO dumb drinking device here on Amazon if you like. Please use for off-road use only.
Mercedes-Benz Built-In Bottle Opener
As if the VMBO wasn’t dumb enough, Mercedes has felt the need to take it a step further and built a bottle opener into the R-Class.
Simply pull out the divider between the cup holders and you’ll find a bottle opener hiding underneath. Leave it to the Germans to require a beer in the hand at all times.
Luckily, the R-Class is no longer available in the US. Both because of this poor bottle opener placement and the fact that it was incredibly ugly.
Bottle Opener Dental Implant
You may have seen someone showing off by opening a bottle with their teeth. You probably wondered how they have any teeth at all after watching such an act. Salta Beer went a step further and created a bottle opener dental implant for rugby players who had lost teeth.
Just looking at these things hurts my teeth. Luckily, this one is unlikely to appeal to anyone that already takes decent care of their choppers. This device seems more suited to those that want to show off their poor life-choice than someone seeking a simple way to get into their favorite beverage.
Belt Buckle Bottle Opener
I’ve had a bottle opener on the backside of my belt buckle for nearly 15 years. While it has been used to open hundreds of bottles, the operation is a bit of an issue.
You’re at a party and someone asks if anyone has a bottle opener. Since yours resides on your belt buckle, you’ve always got one handy, and offer to help. Grab their bottle, jam it into your crotch, and hand the opened bottle back to them, now ready to be enjoyed. See the issue? Most aren’t huge on drinking a beer that’s just been nearly inserted into your junk.
A simple bottle opener may work far better, but if you want one that goes everywhere your pants do, there are plenty of belt buckle bottle openers to choose from. Just be sure to warn people before your put their bottle by your private parts.
Bottle Opener Sandals
It’s summer time and sandals are sporting out in the sun. Why not put a bottle opener on your footwear, so you’ve got it everywhere you go? Stop and think about where those things have been first.
These things have been around of years and they’re really gross. How many bathroom floors have they seen? How much mud have they been clogged with? And now you want to touch that to the lip of my beer bottle? No thanks.
While they may seem like a cool idea, in practice they’re not so sweet. If you still want a pair of stylish sandals with bottle openers, grab them here on Amazon.
Stupid Beer Bottle Openers
There are certainly some stupid beer bottle openers we should avoid, but lucky for beer drinkers there are plenty of great ones too. If you’re looking for a sweet way to get at your suds, check out some of the badass bottle openers we’ve reviewed in the past.